Chimera

I had another dream this one is worse. This one is my worst nightmare, dear readers. This is my chimera.

I had a good night, it was the 4th of July so my family was in town and we were sitting on the porch watching the neighbors light off illegal fireworks and playing cards. I was able to put my dysfunctional life aside and pretend that everything was normal. I ended up sleeping on my moms sofa with a blanket that was covered in cat fur. I hate sleeping on sofas and I hate sleeping at my moms house so needless to say I wasn't comfortable and it took me longer then normal to get to sleep at all...

I remember the beginning fuzzily, the edges of everything was blurred slightly. I am there but I am older, years have gone by and I'm standing on a pedestal in a white dress, a gown. I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am wearing a wedding dress and my mom is standing behind me with happy tears in her eyes. Someone hands me a perfectly coiffed bouquet so everyone can get the full effect...People are talking around me but I cant really see them, I think that they are talking about me and this peacock-y, princess dress I've found myself in somehow.

I'm getting married. I'm getting married to a nice man who treats me well, who is probably an accountant.

I'm content.

Standing there in that dress, I look at myself in the mirror and I start to get a tickle in the back of my mind, a sense that I'm forgetting something. I frown at my reflection.

Looking at my mom in the mirror, I whisper, "It isn't supposed to be like this."

My mom freezes, she wont meet my eyes.

The sense that I'm forgetting something huge gets stronger and I start to feel panicky, my chest tightens. Why cant I remember?

Turning to my mom I grab her arm, "Mom, its not supposed to be like this, why cant I remember?" I'm almost yelling.

She finally meets my eyes, and like a crack I remember.

How could I forget? Mi Novio, I'm supposed to be with him. What happened how did I leave him behind? How did I forget his name? Where is he now? Am I too late?

I'm sobbing.

I wake up this way, on the couch crying out loud and hoping that no one heard me and will come out to see whats wrong. No one does.

I have never woken up crying before from a dream. I don't think that you, my avid readers, understand how this can be my chimera. It doesn't seem that bad does it? Marrying an account who loves you. But its not him, its not Mi Novio, and that makes all the difference in the world. I was never a child that grew up dreaming about white weddings and being Mr and Mrs Jones. So to have a dream where I am actually getting married at all and then to be marrying the wrong person... it was horrible. especially since this is about an inch away from happening. My relationship is being torn from our hands and neither of us want it but we may have no choice.

And that is the scariest part. Imagine for a moment, that you found the person that you love with all of your soul, and he loves you too. You fight yes, but you always make up and are stronger for it. Your weaknesses are where he shines and where his light may falter is where yours stands out. You compliment each other like two puzzle pieces and want nothing more then to build your lives together. Are you imagining it? Good because now I want you to imagine that it is being taken from you, your heart and soul are being ripped apart. It hurts and your trying to hang so hard but after awhile your hands start to hurt and you slip a little...

What do you do? How long can you stay like that?